Shataina (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} dragonladyflame) wrote,@ 2003-09-29 13:02:00 |
|
The truth is out!
So, for the benefit of everyone who hasn't heard me discuss this at length, I have a shocking new theory:
Bernie (the Dean of Simon's Rock) is a myth!
Here is my evidence:
1. He never does any goddamn thing but wander around bumming cigarettes from students.
2. He's always in meetings.
3. Eyewitness Evidence! Joy, a trustworthy witness if I ever saw one, was innocently wandering down the streets of Barrington one day, and she spotted the man we know as "Bernie" running with a towel wrapped around his head. Intrigued by this spectacle, she followed, and soon observed a red Saab pulling up beside him. As she watched, Bernie handed something she couldn't see through the window, and the Saab passed him a plain, unmarked paper bag. Then the Saab pulled away and was gone like a bat out of hell; Bernie stowed the bag, looked around, and was off.
Now, this evidence could merely be seen to add up to Bernie being a wild drug dealer madman. However, I think it obvious that this is a more complex issue.
Here's the way it almost certainly works:
The Administration needs someone to pass the buck to. Teachers need a scapegoat. They put their heads together and came up with the idea of "Bernie". However, they knew they'd never be able to get away with not actually having a human being to represent this "Dean" concept. So they hired a homeless man off the street to pretend to be the Dean. (Doesn't it make sense? I mean, does Bernie actually act like a Dean, or does he act like a random homeless guy who wanders around bumming cigarettes from students? I think the evidence speaks for itself.)
Homeless guy pretends he knows what he's doing and signs forms when they tell him to. Secretary fills up his schedule with mythical meetings so that he doesn't have to actually be on campus any more than necessary. They pay him off in a semi-subtle fashion (using the red Saab which, by the way, came from eyewitness evidence!) and no one is the wiser!
If this post is deleted and I'm never seen again, don't say I didn't warn you!
So, for the benefit of everyone who hasn't heard me discuss this at length, I have a shocking new theory:
Bernie (the Dean of Simon's Rock) is a myth!
Here is my evidence:
1. He never does any goddamn thing but wander around bumming cigarettes from students.
2. He's always in meetings.
3. Eyewitness Evidence! Joy, a trustworthy witness if I ever saw one, was innocently wandering down the streets of Barrington one day, and she spotted the man we know as "Bernie" running with a towel wrapped around his head. Intrigued by this spectacle, she followed, and soon observed a red Saab pulling up beside him. As she watched, Bernie handed something she couldn't see through the window, and the Saab passed him a plain, unmarked paper bag. Then the Saab pulled away and was gone like a bat out of hell; Bernie stowed the bag, looked around, and was off.
Now, this evidence could merely be seen to add up to Bernie being a wild drug dealer madman. However, I think it obvious that this is a more complex issue.
Here's the way it almost certainly works:
The Administration needs someone to pass the buck to. Teachers need a scapegoat. They put their heads together and came up with the idea of "Bernie". However, they knew they'd never be able to get away with not actually having a human being to represent this "Dean" concept. So they hired a homeless man off the street to pretend to be the Dean. (Doesn't it make sense? I mean, does Bernie actually act like a Dean, or does he act like a random homeless guy who wanders around bumming cigarettes from students? I think the evidence speaks for itself.)
Homeless guy pretends he knows what he's doing and signs forms when they tell him to. Secretary fills up his schedule with mythical meetings so that he doesn't have to actually be on campus any more than necessary. They pay him off in a semi-subtle fashion (using the red Saab which, by the way, came from eyewitness evidence!) and no one is the wiser!
If this post is deleted and I'm never seen again, don't say I didn't warn you!
